my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
