i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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