So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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