Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
