I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize