There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
