Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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