I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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