I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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