Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
