I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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