we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize