I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Acid is not a monday night drug
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
