Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
