you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize