Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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