Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
