There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
