I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
