So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Rumble strips road head = magical
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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