i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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