Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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