what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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