You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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