I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
