someone threw a dead crab at me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
