: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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