I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
