I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
