I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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