You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
