I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
