a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
