did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Shame is for Republicans.
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