it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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