Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
