your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
