That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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