Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
