kristin has been a bad kristin
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
