I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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