five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize