All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
