Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
