come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
