You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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