My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
