You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
