Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
