Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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