I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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