I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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