I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
