Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
