i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Holy shit dude........stairs
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
