you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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