and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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