So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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