Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
