You're earring is so big in my mouth
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
