He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
