no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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