I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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