My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
