we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
