problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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