This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
