I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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