So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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