Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
