3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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