Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
