i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
