you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
