LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
