and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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