Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She's not a foreskin expert like you
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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