At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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