Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize