I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
