That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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