Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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