Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
