My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
