I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
