Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
