The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Randomize
