I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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