In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
