you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
