My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we made out on top of his cat.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This house was built for laser tag.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
