Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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