I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
