We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
