Got a toothbrush?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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