you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
