woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
