If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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