I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My feet surprised me
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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