she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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