I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
