Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize