what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
